Worldbuilding & Writing 201: Speeches
Greetings and Speeches! ...At least it fits now! Speeches are a huge part of history. Who doesn’t love the gang, the group, the army, at the end of a story trying to pump themselves up but failing, and fear is starting to take hold… then someone gives a roaring speech, and everyone is jacked up on whatever emotions are evoked, ready to do what needs to be done to save the day!? I sure love it! Issue is…most speeches I read and see are… utter garbage.
(Anne:) But never fear! I, your favourite long-winded Lady Verbosa, and Vivian, your favourite Alien Limax, are here to save you!
(Vivian:) Disclaimer: In this blogpost we bring up famous historical figures of abhorrent nature. We are under no circumstances endorsing, saying, or implying that the actions they took and resulting consequences are in any way good or desirable. We are evaluating their speech ability solely as a matter of historical fact. Both Anne and I reject any and all ideologies of hateful nature that in any way, shape, or form dehumanises people or diminishes individuals' value as a human being.
(Anne:) Unfortunately, one reason evil people gain power is through their speeches, so studying what makes them work is important even though we absolutely disavow everything they stand for.
(Vivian:) We are not Nazis – we appreciate people of all sorts, deal?
What is a speech?
(Vivian:) A speech is essentially a short to medium length monologue. It is not a back and forth, there are no people adding in, there are no people challenging things, it is one person speaking for the purpose of galvanising people around some cause, building up emotions, and making people do and feel things they normally wouldn’t.
The purpose of speeches
In the real world
(Vivian:) In reality, a speech can serve many purposes. We have the grand epic ones where the tides of war can change, or where the course of history hangs in the balance, and it is up to one group headed by one person to make certain it turns this or the other way. (Anne: Or, as often happens in US media, the football team is down by some huge amount, and the coach gives an amazing speech that somehow galvanises the team and also makes them better players–the latter part I never understood, but hey, it makes for good media!) For international people, she refers to the wimp rugby version of “football” they use in the US where they are scared to be harmed.
But most speeches in reality are actually boring as shit. They serve mostly formalities of how things are to be and what one should do. State of the Union, inauguration, whatever speech is involved with the crowning of new royalties, they are all formalities that are not meant to rouse people up for events where they might die. Their purpose is to make people confident that shit will not go south and order will continue. Hit the right bells, play the right strings, and people will nod, not panic, and promptly forget what was said beyond “They won’t fuck up.”
But that is boring shit that should be told, never shown! For stories, I let my sister axeplain!
In your stories
(Anne:) Most speeches are indeed boring (I think of all the meaningless speeches given in the US Congress that not even the congresspeople show up for), but in stories, you don’t want to give these speeches in full. Ever. If there’s a reason you need to include them, either tell them (as is explained below), or only give key moments. Sometimes a single interesting thing will happen in a boring speech, so give that thing or quote, not the entire speech. And if the point of including a speech is to show how boring or meaningless it is, please don’t include the actual speech! Just tell it (again, more below).
So what is the purpose in stories? Well, just like in real life, in order to include an actual speech, it needs to be at a key point of the story and move things dramatically. It might be something that your characters give or something that they hear someone else say. It might even be interior thoughts where the character is hyping themselves! But it needs to move the plot in a dramatic way.
Two key moments where speeches work best are as an inciting incident, meaning it’s the thing that moves a character from their status quo into action, or at the darkest part of the story right before the climax/final conflict, a moment you do want to include. The former will create forward action and catapult your character into the story, and the latter will give them strength and courage. Check out my post on dramatic structure to find out more about these places and to find other spots where a good speech could work. If you include them elsewhere, they need to serve similar purposes.
Deciding whether to include a speech
(Vivian:) Deciding whether to include a speech is a difficult choice. An actual great speech can give the reader (or viewer) a great sense of empowerment of their own, making them feel even more part of the thing you are trying to do. Their own feelings get pumped up and they feel they are part of what is to come! But…
Speeches are not easy
(Anne:) Speeches are not always the solution! They’re difficult to do, and a bad speech can actually have the opposite effect than what you want! As I mentioned above, speeches need to have a significant purpose, but that means that they need to be really well-written. If your character needs to be pulled out of their status quo, but the speech doesn’t hit an emotional high that’s significant to accomplish this or is poorly written, then the audience will be confused by why the character is moved.
Similarly, if the speech is meant to hype your character(s) up but just lays things out factually or doesn’t have the key elements we’ll describe below, then your audience will think it weird that they’re suddenly motivated or there’s suddenly group cohesion or they suddenly have the strength and courage to accomplish the impossible. A bad speech pulls your audience out of your story and makes them question not only the characters and plot but you as a creator. So should you include the actual speech? Well, maybe. You can include the fact that there is a speech, but you don’t need to actually include the speech itself. Because…
If you cannot pull it off, do not try, but learn
(Vivian:) It might sound incredibly negative, and I will grant you, it is more negative than I usually go for in this blog, but in this case, it is really important. I mean this with the greatest amount of love and care: if you cannot pull off a great speech, do not try doing it! You should always learn and try to see if it goes better than before, but given what speeches are meant to do, seeing a failed one undermines everything you wish to accomplish. This is one example of when “Tell, don’t show” can serve you way better than the typical “Show, don’t tell.”
This is because if someone reads or sees a speech that just doesn’t strike the right bells of the heart, the emotions are lost, and it all becomes like a giant mess of people reacting in manners that just feel entirely unrealistic. If you cannot feel the strength and power of the speech, even slightly with all the context, the reactions of characters becomes unbelievable. We will go into it below, but you can easily, as a consumer, imagine a great speech that is told and not shown, but when you are shown a failure of one, it breaks your believability. So…
Let’s get technical
(Anne:) If you decide you want a speech, it raises the question: how exactly do you include it? If this is visual media, you can just focus on that character as they start to talk. But in writing, it’s a little trickier. You need to set the speech up, show it, and then get out of it, and it needs to be effortless to give full weight to the speech.
The easiest way is just to introduce the character with a dialogue tag or action beat. What are those? Well, you’re in luck because I have a whole post on dialogue! Basically, you just say “She stood up to speak.” or have “She said” tucked in there somewhere. It’s not a good strategy to start a sentence with “she/he/they said,” so putting it after a phrase works best.
“Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears,” Marc Antony said. “I come to bury Caesar…” and so on.
However, if it’s an action beat, it can go first.
Marc Antony took a deep breath and gazed across the crowd. “Friends, Romans, countrymen…” etc.
So those are the two easiest ways.
As you can see, the speech will be in quotation marks. Another less common strategy that works well with long speeches is to indent the whole thing like we do with the speech snippets in this post. But it’s rare in writing, so really think before you do that. Italics might also be an option, but again, it’s rare.
To exit a speech, just make sure to acknowledge it before moving on. If you give an impassioned speech, and then the story ignores the fact that it was given, well, why did you include it at all?
Note: if you want to tell the speech instead of actually showing it, I have an example in the mini practicum, so keep reading!
How do they fail?
(Anne:) There are quite a few ways speeches can fail, but we’re going to focus on the two things that determine pretty much everything. If a speech doesn’t have emotions and careful word choice, it doesn’t matter how compelling or perfect the content is. People won’t be moved. I’m going to let Vivian take emotions, which are the most important, then I’ll get into the word choice and specifics, since, being an English professor, that’s like my job. So before we tackle what a speech needs, let’s talk about the consequences of failure.
Where are the emotions?
(Vivian:) For the speeches we speak of here, emotions are everything. I cannot stress this enough. Emotions are what pump people up and make them want to risk their lives where logic tells them “RUN AWAY!” We have all felt this with music and how the way it is structured makes us feel things. While listening to the music, we can feel pumped to do things more or differently than we would normally be.
The speech is meant to be the same: a good speech contains emotions. They appeal to emotions, hopefully in a good way unless you are a bad person; speeches can work either way! Anyway, it reaches into the heart of the listener and invites them to feel, it demands them to feel, and they cannot help it. Word choice, tone of voice, body movements, they all can cause this emotion, and all are used for it.
Words and actions tell tones of voice
(Anne:) Excellent segue! Let’s look at those latter things, because even if your speech has emotion, it can still fall flat. Word choice is extremely important because if you’re using the wrong terminology, you’ll lose your audience, and if the physical movements aren’t right, your speech will be confusing.
One common thing people do is get overly formal in speeches and start including vocabulary that your character would never use. Of course, some writers go the complete opposite direction and suddenly get all folksy. I always think of politicians with that last point, since most US politicians at least will suddenly start saying “folks” and incorporating regional expressions or dialects in their speeches to their constituents even if they speak with no accent/dialect in all other settings.
Another failure occurs when people write speeches like an essay instead of something spoken. The rhythms will be off, and when people read, it won’t flow correctly. A lot of people, like me, hear the words on the page as they read them, and it won’t sound like a speech. Other people, like Vivian, don’t, but they’ll still recognize that failure. Go listen to some good and bad speeches to hear how they sound and what you like best.
We’re probably all familiar with people who, in presentations, either read from their notes or from a PowerPoint. Boring! Then there are the people who really engage the audience. Two things set them apart: language and body movements. I mentioned language above, but these people will make eye contact, often include hand gestures that echo the emotions of their words (or create them), and their stance will be confident. Those things work to create the appropriate emotions in the listener, and you can include them in your writing.
Many hand gestures are universally understood, and if you’re working with aliens who might have alien hand gestures, it’s important not to stray too far from the human ones. In the heat of the moment when reading/watching the speech, your audience may have the wrong emotional reaction if you include things that contradict what people expect. A Nazi salute from a heroic or “good” character may not work out as well as you want, even if that gesture means something different to your aliens.
Now that we have seen some ways they can fail and motions, the big question is…
What makes a speech work?
(Vivian:) A horrible but successful example of a speech from history is… Adolf Hitler. Perfect example of speeches being used for evil, and two things he did were practise both voice and body motions and carefully chose all his words to maximise the impact as he held his speeches to persuade the German people. Sure, we disagree naturally with what he wanted, but it is hard to deny the effectiveness of his speeches.
The opposite example is Joseph Vissarionovich Stalin. His speeches never inspired people with emotion; they are said to be generally dull and boring, but who would dare to say that and not pretend to be excited? No one… He had that hard of a grip on the state that even if he sucked – no one dared say or do anything but pretend it was amazing.
(Anne:) What’s the difference between them? We looked at how it can fail (*cough cough* Stalin *cough cough*), let’s look at why Hitler, despite the horrifying things he was saying, succeeded.
Context, Context, and context!
(Anne:) Oh shoot, it’s my turn to write again… In the context of this post, I just wrote something! But never mind, Vivian will do the next section better. (Vivian: here I wanted a challenge!) As you can see, context matters! Well, in this particular case it doesn’t, but there’s context too: a blog post’s speaking order, nah, but speeches? Absolutely.
There are two parts to context: situation and audience. What is going on in your story, and who is the speech aimed at? For the first, figure out the purpose of the speech (see above). What exactly is happening, and what needs to change? That should determine the content. Then, who is the listener? If your character is making the speech, to whom are they speaking? Who are they trying to persuade or move to action? If your character is listening, then are they part of the audience, or is it being told to others and they’re overhearing/spying? If they’re part of the audience, does it fit with what you know of the type of person your character is? The audience will determine things like word choice.
In any case, you really want to zero in on the influence of the speech, which is centred in emotion. Go, Vivian, go!
How does it make you feel?
(Vivian:) As we are hammering on, what makes or breaks the speeches we want here are emotions. If it is meh, uninspired, okay, wha?, or any such emotions, you have failed as a speaker. This is one reason why speeches are so incredibly difficult. I don’t know personally why I am, I won’t say good, but “decent” at speeches, but when I get in the moment, it just comes out! (Anne: zhi is being modest, but you can judge for yourself in the mini practicum below!)
When I write speeches, emotions are everything. You can say it has several steps. The first one is connected with the audience that listens, making them lean in. Connect with the audience and make their attention start to imagine themselves in everything you say. The second step is to now build up emotions on the subject you want. There are many ways to do these that we will go into. The third step is to heighten emotions that make the audience feel that they can work with you, or through their own cooperation achieve what you are speaking of. And finally, your speech has to end in a way that compels them to act for the cause. (Anne: this is also called a call to action!) The lines between these are blurry, and for significant portions of a speech, two, sometimes even three, might overlap.
So to make it shorter:
Connect the audience
Divert their emotions toward the cause
Build up faith in their abilities for the cause
Compel them to action
Now we know how much emotions matter, but how do we do it?
Choosing the right words
(Anne:) One of the key ways to get this emotion is the specific wording. What is your speech about, and are you talking about in terms your audience will understand and relate to? Choose your words carefully!
First, what are the words that have already been used in the story (or in real life)? Use the same vocabulary so that the reader can connect elements of the speech with what you’ve talked about before. If they can’t make that connection, or if your characters wouldn’t make that connection, you’ve failed.
Second, use vocabulary that your audience will relate to. What are the words that speak to them? What are the words they would use? However, don’t veer too far outside of the speaker’s vocabulary unless you want to show that they’re pandering.
Third, focus on the emotional impact of the words. I’ve talked in other posts about abstract terms versus concrete terms, and it’s worth repeating. Abstract terms have no physical referent or connection to the physical word, and concrete words do. So an abstract word might be a high brow concept like “communism” or “love” or “honour,” which can work, especially the latter two, but only if you put them in abstract terms. There’s a reason Shakespeare uses analogies and metaphors to put love in concrete terms. That’s what makes love and honour easier to use. They can be talked about in concrete terms.
For love, it can be a rose that smells so sweet by any name. For honour, you can talk about your friends and defending them. But communism? What exactly is that? There’s no real way to pin it down. (Vivian: And like socialism, Americans have no clue what it is.) Exactly! You might talk about what communism creates, like equality maybe? But that you also have to put into concrete terms. While equality is easier to show in relation to the real world, if you need to use an abstract term to describe an abstract term, you’ve lost your audience. That’s why communism and socialism are easily confused and misused, and why you want to avoid them in speeches. Just think: how can I make people relate to this in a real, physical way that makes them understand real world implications?
Finally, you want to choose words that create that call to action Vivian talked about. Use energetic, emotional, and animated words to create a positive, hopeful energy. Or create sympathy that moves people to donate or be kinder through sentimental language. Use harsh, brutal words or terms to showcase injustice. Basically, make your words match the emotion so that your audience really feels them and wants to act to resolve that emotion.
Repetition and rhythm matter
(Vivian:) Repeat after me, Repetition is good! Repetition is great! Repetition is vital! When it comes to speeches, repetition is good! To a degree. Too much repetition dulls the mind and bores people. The rule of three–wait, I got something!
Muhahaha!
Anyway, jokes aside, a rule of three is fine. With repetition, I mean not “repeat the same thing identically,” but more that you use similar structures in language with minor changes. You will see examples below. You can repeat similar things in threes (with maybe a fourth to bring things home). But the point of each repetition is one and the same: to bring home a point or bring out emotions. You can easily use multiple different repetitions within the same speech to serve different purposes. One repetition can serve to make a point and guide people toward the cause, another to build their faith in their own abilities, then a third repetition for the call to action.
The important thing to remember is that the repetition has to serve a purpose in the emotional buildup. Are you noticing a trend of emotion building in speeches? If not, please go and check if you need glasses! 😂 Another thing to keep in mind is that generally, but not absolutely, longer repetitions are better suited for causing or directing emotions, but shorter ones are better for pure emotional buildup. But the shorter ones require a much more careful choice of words in order to evoke emotions. They can do much more emotional lifting, but if done poorly, will do much more ruin.
Moving to the beat
(Anne:) Movement gets left out of writing a lot, but if you watch any movement with a great speech, you’ll see that things like posture, body motion, and hand movements can make or break a speech. If you raise your hand in victory when you’re talking about a defeat, people will be confused, and if you slump and appear defeated when inspiring people to action, people will believe that action is hopeless and withdraw further into passivity.
Look at the following two images from Martin Luther King Jr, a great speaker:
The first image calls out injustices and compels people forward with a hand flung forward, finger pointed to target both a group in need of noticing and a direction to go. The second pulls together a common cause and invites people in with its upturned hand, fingers spread to reach towards the audience, and the forward lean to the body.
Let’s look at another example, and I’ll let Vivian take this one.
(Vivian:) Everyone knows this fellow, Herr Adolf. As we have discussed, he was a great speaker, and that is primarily because he practised, practised, and then some more practice. One thing he definitely worked on was his gestures. He had mirrors all around him so he could see from every angle how he looked and what energy he gave off. The left image shows gestures that generally display a need to gain strength because it is as if he is trying to pull it in from the air itself. This is considerably bigger than Martin’s gesture to pull people in because the theme was all about how Germany had lost what was “rightfully theirs.” So they needed strength to overcome it. The right image illustrates the salute that Nazis had and that became a symbol to include people and show their loyalty; they are one people. As their motto went, “Ein Reich, Ein Volk, Ein Führer”: one Reich, one people, one Führer.
(Anne:) Those are some very successful examples, but as I’ve mentioned, you don’t want a mismatch between movements, context, and emotion.
(Vivian:) Accurate. When it comes to movements, that match is incredibly important. To go back to the horrible but successful example we had, Mr. Hitler himself… (God, how bad will this post be flagged?) Anyway, as I said, he practised movements a lot for the reasons of how effective it is.
With the right movements, you can, as the speaker, show your own passion without screaming. You can show what you mean and thus enhance it. If you speak of enemies, you can point out with your finger toward where they lie. If you speak about your own spirit, you can hold onto your own heart. These make what might be considered “more abstract” more real. You are showing the real enemy, you are showing the real spirit that you yourself have that all share (remember, connect with the people).
Large movements show your own passion and firm belief in everything you speak of. The audience becomes convinced you believe what you say, and that helps them convince themselves of what you are saying. These are some, but not all, reasons why movements, even extravagant movements, can enhance speeches an insane amount. WHO’S WITH ME! 👊
Mini Practicum
(Anne:) For the next section, imagine the following…
You’re a Tsxobjez. What’s a Tsxobjez? Here, read this practicum first. Or don’t, you’ll still understand this! Just imagine you’re an alien in the midst of an Industrial Revolution where the capitalists have taken over the means of production and the wealth, leaving you and the poor masses working in the factories with nothing. Their power has grown to the point where even governments are succumbing to them. Your family lingers at the edge of abject poverty, able to afford just enough not to starve or freeze in the winter. Your young siblings slave away at factories while the children of the capitalists attend fancy schools and inherit their family’s wealth so that they’ll never be in your situation.
Your life is misery, but when coming home from the factory, nursing your stiff finger tentacles worn out from the repetitive motions of your job, you hear murmurs in the crowd around you. You head towards them and see the person you’ve heard whispers about but never thought to see in person… the young Tsxobjez stirring up trouble and wanted by the capitalists: Kwxents. Kwxents appears, and the crowd falls silent. You push closer as they start to speak…
(Anne Winchell’s artistic approximation of Kwxents giving a speech on the streets of Matshint)
Telling, not showing
(Anne:) Okay, context set! Vivian is superb at speeches and will write one in the next section. I, however… am not. So I tell instead of show. Here’s an example of how that might work, but I’m going to switch to first person (I) instead of what I used when talking about the context above, which was second person (you).
I pushed closer to the front of the crowd, but when Kwxents began to speak, their words struck like a bell vibrating through me, rooting me to the spot. It wasn’t that their words were especially loud, but their accent caught me. It was my own accent, the accent of the working people. I had never heard anyone with that accent dare speak to a crowd like this. Then the meaning of their words filtered through, and the bell became a gong against my soul.
They spoke of our role in society, which I had never thought of before. They said we had succumbed to their machinations. Had I? My finger tentacles trembled, for once not with an ache but with a burning I had never felt before, a burning that swept through me. It was true. I had been playing the capitalist’s game, doing what they wanted, but what were they without me? Nothing, exactly like Kwxents said.
Their voice swelled above the crowd as they spoke of our power, and I heard cries at the edges. One of the police who spied on our daily existence must have seen this unusual gathering and reported it. But for once, thoughts of the police didn’t frighten me. Kwxents stood there, unafraid, and their voice raised in a thunderous roar as they told us the greatest weapon we had against the capitalists: ourselves.
Their words clawed through my mind, tearing away my passivity and my fears. Then, Kwxents looked straight at me, and for a long moment, I saw myself echoed there. I had power. Me. Then they looked away, leaving me feeling powerful for the first time in my life.
Vivian’s analysis
(Vivian:) First of all, it is first person, instant F grade. Garbage to be thrown out! 😛 (Anne: Hmm, I forgot that little quirk of zhis… First person is a valid option though!) This is considerably longer than the speech itself, which you’ll read next, but what Anne did works and serves it really well. She goes for the emotional beats that she imagines (and in this case, knows) of the speech and chooses to use common techniques in literature to raise it to the reader.
(Anne:) Out of curiosity, which technique was most effective for you, Vivian?
(Vivian:) For me personally, it is how you describe the slow realisation. You use analogies and replacements of familiar feelings to the character, but now it is a new root cause. But the slow build up gives the feeling of the speech going on, and throughout, realisation hits, one bit at a time.
This is thus perfectly serviceable as a method of delivering a speech that you cannot yourself write. I strongly recommend this method if you are uncertain about your ability to write speeches. Focus on the emotions of your character and their reaction rather than doing the speech itself.
(Anne:) These emotional reactions can be extremely important in advancing your story, and one reason this section is longer than the speech itself is that I’m showing this character’s transition from a fairly passive part of this world into someone who wants to change it. This would be the type of thing you would probably get in the beginning of the story, perhaps as an inciting incident that drives the character out of the status quo. Remember: save your speeches for the high points of your story!
(Vivian:) The one thing that might make it a bit stronger though is if she told about Kwxents’ movements, as they are a huge part of speeches too, but that is a small thing.
(Anne:) Hey! I’ve totally got standing unafraid and making eye contact! That counts!
(Vivian:) Have a cookie 🍪
The speech itself!
(Anne:) Thank you, Vivian! Now, are you ready to hear the speech itself? I tricked Vivian a little because I decided zhi would include this speech without actually asking zhir first. Mwahaha! That means there are some flaws that I’ll address in the analysis. Now I’m going to turn it over to Vivian, who really is excellent at writing speeches! Let’s see the mastress at work!
(Vivian:) Urgh! Fine, I’ll grab one from the stockpile. Not the best work, but I think gets it across for most. Enjoy! Maybe listen to this too while you read the speech:
Red Noise Industries - Army Of Steel (Epic Heroic Hybrid Orchestral)
You slave away countless hours at their mercy. They act like they are doing you a favour, but the moment you are inconvenient, they dispose of you! They can only do this because we all have succumbed to their endless meat-grinding system! Slaving away, desperate for a job and a salary at the end of the day. They fear you, deep down they know the power we hold, and they make certain every day, through coercion, through manipulation, through propaganda, that we will not come to understand the true power that we possess! What value are their machines without us to operate them? What value are their machines if we do not innovate new ones to replace the old ones? What value are their machines when no one will service them? What value is anything without us!? NOTHING! Nothing holds value without the Tsxobjit spirit imbued into it! We are, through our souls, our cries, our feelings, our everything, what gives anything value: life, things, machines, and the future! Deny them that value! Deny them everything they seek by using the one thing they need that you have: YOURSELF!
Anne’s analysis 😈
(Anne:) Wonderful job, Kwxents! Er, I mean Vivian! One thing that Vivian does very well is capture Kwxents’ voice through word choice and repetition, revealing some of who they are in the process. We can see what they value and how they view the world not only in the overall content, but also in those little details.
One place where you can see how word choice and repetition can create emotion is towards the end, with the list of things that give value:
our souls, our cries, our feelings, our everything
The use of three specific things meets the rule of threes, and the addition of the fourth more general item emphasises that it really is everything, not just what is listed. (Vivian: You can feel Kwxents putting weight behind the fourth statement even if it doesn’t show.) The repetition of “our” drives home an emotional connection between them and the crowd and also stirs up a feeling of a collective, something that forms a core part of all of Kwxents’ speeches. In a story about this time period (context!), one of the big developments that will definitely be part of the story is the development of a unified front against the capitalists as people see themselves as part of a powerful whole, not just divided individuals. The entirety of the speech drives this home.
(Vivian:) What about the multiple repetitions?
(Anne:) You’re just digging for compliments, aren’t you? Well, the frequent use of repetition throughout, not just in wording but in sentence structure and ideas, create Kwxents’ unique voice. When Kwxents repeats “What value is” followed by a specific thing, they’re again using that repetition to drive home the point and also make the crowd see their own value. And when they repeat that the capitalists are preventing them from knowing their power with a list of three things starting with “through,” it’s making the crowd see those manipulations for what they are, thus evoking anger at the capitalists. As mentioned above, repetition can be powerful, but shouldn’t be overused.
So we’ve got great word choice, strong use of repetition at key points, and all of this evokes the emotions that the author (and Kwxents) wants to evoke. Is it perfect? Well, no. Sorry, Vivian. Actually, one of the weaknesses has to do with Vivian’s critique of my telling above: where are the gestures and movements? (Vivian: I was bamboozled! I was just told to dump the speech here!) Yeah, I did tell you that, didn’t I? Well, the lack of physical movements also illustrates one potential problem with putting in an entire speech, but there are ways around it. You can give a couple of lines, then an action beat, then back to the speech. Very doable.
Finally, you can see from this speech what I mentioned earlier about fitting it into the story. You’ll need to set up the speech, then format the speech in some way, then move out of it. Then you face the question of whether or not you want to show your character's reactions to it. In my telling version above, I do show a lot of emotional response. You may or may not want to do this. Usually a character’s reactions will be obvious from the speech itself, since they’ll feel what the reader feels. But not always. And if this speech drives your character to finally act, which is what my version above implies, then you do want to make that clear.
What not to do
(Anne:) Okay, just for fun (Vivian doesn’t know I’m doing this yet), I’m going to try my hand at a speech, but I’m going to be very lazy about how I do it. I’m learning how to do speeches, and I’m getting decent, though certainly not good enough to actually use them in my stories, but I’m going to ignore everything I’ve learned for the purposes of this speech. I’m going to mirror Vivian’s speech in many ways so that you can see what a weaker version might look like. Okay, remember our scene? Cue Kwxents…
My fellow Tsxobjezn, let us look at our place in this world. The capitalists control everything, and we have nothing! Is that fair? I say no! We slave away at their machines all day, but are they really their machines, or are they our machines? Think about it: we work them, we innovate improvements, and we service them. Who else would they belong to but us? It’s time for us to join together against the capitalists. Together, we’re strong. So now I tell you to use the only weapon we have against them: ourselves!
So that was… definitely A speech. This is the type of speech I see a lot. It hits some important points, but it fails to capture the soaring feel that a good speech will have. I’m now going to show this to Vivian, and let zhir tear it apart!
The analysis
(Vivian:) … “Speech”... That was awful, just awful. I bet by the end most people were snoring. Now onto the details. She pretty much hit everything in terms of the content of my original speech. What it lacks are the emotions. It is factual, it reads much more like a laundry list of things that are true, and it doesn’t have a soul of emotions.
We have repeats like “we work them, we innovate improvements, and we service them,” even if the “and” breaks the flow. Many times you are told to not make things needlessly long, but sometimes, longer and wordier is better. My original is considerably longer for the same repeats, but that was to place focus on what gives things value and to make other people realise they are what creates value. Here, the repeats are shorter and just tell what the people are doing. Short repeats are fine if they contain emotionally charged words, similar to my “Our X” part I did in the original.
Another piece that severely downgrades this speech is that while my speech was about empowering people to stand up against injustices, Anne’s successful failure of a speech focuses on who owns the machines. Which may be a fair point in that era, but that is an intellectual question, not an emotional one. It doesn’t get people caring and feeling; as a matter of fact, it can even backfire. If people accept the premise “I bought it, I own it,” then the speech will fall flat because the capitalists bought it, so they own it, and that is fair. What people will universally not like is injustices around themselves and toward people they care about.
These are the reasons it feels so hollow and empty, it reads like a list and does not address emotions, but the intellect.
(Anne:) If you try to have your character suddenly feel empowered to change the world after that speech, your reader isn’t going to believe it at all! If your speech writing skills are at this level, then go with telling instead of showing the speech. You can do just as much, and you won’t risk falling as flat as this beautiful failure.
(Vivian:) In fact, the telling Anne did way above was more emotionally moving than this speech.
(Anne:) I should hope so!
Summa Summarum
(Vivian:) We all have to be happy that Anne is kinda garbage at speeches. If she wasn’t, we’d have revolution every Saturday and twice on Sunday! But the grand point of this entire post is that speeches are difficult and should primarily be avoided unless you get a lot of help or training for it. Anne shows a great method to tell it without revealing the actual speech, and at the same time, showing the vital points. I would recommend 95% of all writers use this instead of making speeches as they are not easy! I have read far too many that are just “meh” and I feel like… No, I feel nothing but cringe.
(Anne:) I’ve definitely read those speeches too! And I’ve written them, then very deliberately deleted them from existence. I often wish there was a powerful, persuasive speaker who could rouse people from their daily struggle and help them see that better things are possible, but alas, that hero to create a revolution has yet to appear in reality. And in fiction, I’ll continue to tell the speech instead of trying to write it.
I echo Vivian’s advice, and I just want to emphasise that telling a speech absolutely works! I’ve read wonderful speeches that the author tells instead of shows! So don’t worry if you can’t write a good speech. They’re tricky. Follow the above advice, but if you can’t do it, don’t worry. There’s plenty of time for practice. Good luck!
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