Writing 101: Exposition
(Vivian here! Lady Verbose, aka Anne Winchell, is guesting once more! I, Vivian, will define exposition and then hand it over to Anne. This is a topic that bugs me so much, and Anne, despite her expositioness proclivities, is so good at explaining it. Anyway, enjoy my input!)
What is exposition?
No no put those away, we are not exposing anyone or parts of ourselves! Now, what in tarnation is “exposition” in fiction? Imagine yourself isekaiing (Anime genre, isekai, where the protag goes to another world), but you have no one to ask anything! There are concepts, magics, technologies, social structures, social relations, and so much more in the world, and you know nothing about any of it. It is confusing and hard to get it all. Exposition can thus be defined roughly as “the means by which a medium informs the consumer (reader, watcher, player, etc) how the world and its cogs work and relate to each other.” Go here to read up on what we mean by a cog under “Rule #4: The more central the cog is, the more it must be fleshed out.” or here. (Vivian out)
Why is it necessary?
As alluded to above, the importance of exposition is that it’s required to give the consumer the information to understand the world and its cogs. If the consumer has no means to gauge danger, stakes, meaning, and relations between characters, it becomes a sammelsurium of things that have little to no meaning. The exposition gives the consumer the context, the meaning, everything to understand the stuff within the story. The key ways to successfully integrate exposition are through setting, dialogue, characters, and interactions. Above all, you want to avoid the dreaded infodump…
Infodumps
An infodump is where you give too much information (usually irrelevant) all at once. While you will sometimes need to give information, if you have more than a couple of sentences maximum in a row that are exposition, you probably have an infodump. They’re almost universally bad, though there are, of course, exceptions to everything. Unfortunately, many, many writers use infodumps to convey information. If you do this in a first draft, that’s fine. Sometimes you need to write a bunch of junk to figure out what you’re really trying to say and what your cogs will be. However, this is absolutely something you need to edit out in revisions.
An infodump is different from exposition because it assumes that the protag knows nothing about the world and dumps a bunch of information for the consumer’s sake, as opposed to what you should be doing, which is hinting at the world, since most characters live there and don’t need basic information told to them. For example, you might say:
Tristan watched the beggars on the street. The hierarchy here was strict, with nobles at the top who took money from the people who actually worked the land. For those unable to pay the nobles the taxes that were raised year after year, they turned to begging to have enough to survive. This wasn’t the right way to do the system, but Tristan didn’t know what to do about it. Everything seemed hopeless. Even his healing abilities had limited impact on the beggars who were frequently wracked with fevers. He was one of the few people with innate magical skill. Most people had to be trained, requiring years of study. He, on the other hand, could touch people and channel his energy into them. Once he was focused, he could heal almost anything, including the fevers that struck the beggars here. By using his own life force, he could heal. Unfortunately, this drained his energy and left him weak. It was always a careful balance.
As you can see, this is an incredibly passive, boring passage that contains information that the character already knows but spells it out in a way that spoonfeeds the consumer all of the background information the creator thinks they need. This might be useful to the creator to figure out how taxes work and how the protag thinks it’s unfair, and how the cog of magic will be integrated into the world, but it violates one of the core pieces of advice for writing: show, don’t tell. Infodumps are entirely telling because they tell the information passively. This is boring for the consumers and too passive for any story.
Now, there is one time when infodumps can be useful, and that’s in first drafts. As I said, if you’re still figuring out how the world works, dumping out your ideas can help. However, you must go back and change the passage to show instead of telling.
If this has not convinced you why it’s bad to do infodumps, here is another reason: Vivian will get mad if you do and start hissing like an angry cat! (Vivian: Hisss!!! Show, don’t tell!)
Clearly, we need to get rid of infodumps and turn them into valuable exposition. But how?
Putting it in Scene
One of my favorite ways to turn infodumps into good exposition is to put your information into a scene. Normally, infodumps are passive: a character thinking, not doing. This is again because it’s telling, not showing. The easiest way to show is to make it active. For example, you might take the above and make it into a scene:
A beggar approached Tristan, holding out her hands with a desperate expression on her face. She asked him for change, claiming that the taxes were too high. He narrowed his eyes. The taxes again. When would this problem end? As he observed her, he noticed that she looked sick. He became very aware of his hands, and the power they held. He was able to heal with a touch, though the cost was quite high.
With a sigh, he laid his hands on her and focused on his own energy, urging it into her body. This might weaken him, but his natural ability was needed here. Healing magic took a lot of skill, but he had never needed lessons. He would be saving this woman from illness and death. Magic could do that, if you were willing to pay the price.
Now, hopefully you see that this is still fairly passive, and still has some of the faults of telling instead of showing. Setting descriptions, dialogue, and character development will turn this into a great scene, rest assured!
Putting things in scene can also give you story ideas. When I wrote this, I had no idea Tristan was going to help her. But given the way the scene was going, it seemed natural to give her help at the end. When you’re in revisions, you may be attached to what you have and not want to be adding to your story (especially if you’re trying to cut your word count!) but following your characters can give you valuable insight into them, and also your story and world. You may end up cutting it, but see what happens! If you’re in your first draft, this is exactly how you get ideas for what happens next. Even if you plan everything in advance, there should always be room for when your characters get a mind of their own.
Now, you should also be able to see that this is immediately better because now it’s active. We’re in the moment instead of just thinking about the situation. Setting things in scene is one of the most important things you can do, and it helps your story immensely. After all, how many times do you sit around thinking about the world? Okay, maybe you do it, but you’re a creator who worldbuilds and is interested in things like that, and let’s be honest, you’re kinda weird. Think normal people. They don’t. They’re too busy living. That’s what you want from your story. You want your characters living, not thinking. Creating scenes accomplishes that, and as a bonus, it’ll help your plot, characters, and worldbuilding at the same time!
So we’ve got a scene, but it’s still not great, and honestly, it doesn’t get across everything you were trying to say in the infodump. Setting is a great way to flesh this out and really dive into your world.
Building Your Setting
One excellent method of getting basic information across is to include cues about the world through descriptions of setting. These might be descriptions of the world or the characters, but you need little details to bring things to life. Often in infodumps, we’re trying to convey information that can easily be translated to setting descriptions. For example, to really get across the poverty in the infodump, you can describe the situation. In fact, to get across all of the information, let’s add to the scene a little!
Tristan recoiled as a beggar stumbled towards him in the otherwise empty street, her tattered robe telling of past glory. The stitching held despite the overuse, but the faded crimson was now a pale rose, holes revealing skin underneath. She held out grimy hands, dirty face twisted in desperation. In a voice that echoed that desperation, she asked if he could spare any change.
A rumbling shattered her question, and Tristan leapt to the side of the road to avoid the elegant coach careening towards the noble’s mansion at the top of the hill. The horses shrieked and jerked to one side as the woman fell to the ground. As the carriage passed, a head draped with a fine white wig stuck out and cursed her, threatening to raise the taxes further to keep filth like her away.
Tristan knelt to help the woman, wincing at the heat of her skin. A fever most likely, but there was nothing he could do except continue his quest to petition for lower taxes. Well, there was something. Her skin was moist under his hand as he laid it on her arm. Physical touch was vital to healing magic, but a layer of dirt already gathered on his palm. He focused on his energy, drawing inwards and preparing for the inevitable weakness that would result from this.
Healing magic took a lot of skill, but he had never needed lessons. The magic flowed from his hands easily with a bit of practiced focus, and he knew he would be saving this woman from illness and death. Magic could do that, if you were willing to pay the price.
As you can see, we’ve not only developed the character and setting, we’ve now gotten into descriptions of the world itself! Our setting is fleshed out, and the story is vastly improved. Simply adding adjectives can be enough, as we see by turning a “face” into a “dirty face” (dramatically increasing our visual image of the woman), but we’ve also added active verbs (“Tristan recoiled” as opposed to “a beggar approached”). Rearranging your sentences to allow for vivid, active verbs reveals the setting and adds vital descriptions. So we have adjectives, verbs, and what about nouns? Of course we can improve them! Often this means adding to the scene. Instead of just the beggar and Tristan, we’ve added a carriage that vividly shows the difference in wealth. That was something from the infodump, remember? Well, we’ve added it again!
Hopefully you see how these simple changes in word choice and additional details and actions can develop your setting and create a rich world. This is a great step to take after turning your infodump into a scene. But it’s still missing a vital part. It still feels passive. That’s where dialogue comes in.
Adding Dialogue
This is by far my favorite part! (Vivian: I love this bit too!) Dialogue is one of the best tools for getting information into a scene. Sometimes you can just take an infodump directly into dialogue and that’s it! However, it’s always best to combine it with these other strategies, or you’ll be left with a character giving the classic dialogue infodump: “As you know, Bob, the taxes are quite high because the nobles are squeezing the people under them.” We don’t want that. That’s still an infodump! You need dialogue that reveals without telling. Again, show, don’t tell. That applies here as well. (Vivian: If one for whatever reason has to do exposition in dialogue that is information dense, a writer has to make certain that the situation, characters and all work together to create a believable situation where the consumer does not feel like it is for them. And no, a briefing or school setting does not on their own justify it!) Let’s look at our scene and give it some dialogue.
Tristan recoiled as a beggar stumbled towards him in the otherwise empty street, her tattered robe telling of past glory. The stitching held despite the overuse, but the faded crimson was now a pale rose, holes revealing skin underneath. She held out grimy hands, dirty face twisted in desperation.
“Please, sir.” Her voice barely carried, cracking at the second word. “My children are starving.”
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I need every penny I have.”
Tears filled her eyes. “Anything helps–”
A rumbling shattered her request, and Tristan leapt to the side of the road to avoid the elegant coach careening towards the noble’s mansion at the top of the hill. The horses shrieked and jerked to one side as the woman fell to the ground. As the carriage passed, a head draped with a fine white wig stuck out.
“Damn tsan!” He spat out the expletive and the woman flinched. “Filth like you needs to be put away.”
This time he did spit, the spattle flying towards the woman but falling short. She inhaled a ragged breath as the carriage continued without further incident. That wasn’t always the case. No one could predict what they would do.
Tristan knelt to help the woman, wincing at the heat of her skin. A fever most likely, but there was nothing he could do except continue his quest to petition for lower taxes. Well, there was one thing,
“I can’t give you money, but I can help.”
“Thank you, sir,” she mumbled, then fainted in his arms. He tightened his grip.
“I just hope this is worth it.” His muttering was as quiet as her thanks had been. Physical touch was vital, but a layer of dirt already gathered on his palm. “Focus,” he whispered. “Focus.”
He obeyed that command, focusing on his energy, drawing inwards and preparing for the inevitable weakness that would result from this. Then he chuckled.
“I can’t believe people go to school for this.” He thought of the years of study some people went through and how lucky he was to have an innate talent. Healing magic took a lot of skill, but he had never needed lessons. The magic flowed from his hands easily now that his concentration was high, and he knew he would be saving this woman from illness and death. Magic could do that, if you were willing to pay the price.
(Vivian: She stole “Tsan” from me, damn thief!)
Wow, we’ve really got a scene going now! Adding dialogue gives personality to your characters and brings the scene to life. Instead of just summarizing what’s going on, you’re showing it. Showing! Again, you always want to show, don’t tell. Have I said that enough yet? (Vivian: NEVER!) And here you can see the results! We’ve got action and drama. The plot is increasing in complexity because we’re getting a further glimpse into this world.
One thing to note is how dialogue continues to add to the scene and setting. Everything just builds! Tristan’s laugh and comment at the end gets some of the initial infodump back into the story, which is great. We now know that some people learn this, but not him. However, instead of just telling the consumer that, we’ve shown it through dialogue.
In this scene, we’ve also fleshed out the world further by establishing the first hint of a unique language. We’ve established “tsan” as a curse word. It’s clearly derogatory from the context, but undefined. You shouldn’t need to define words in your creations. They should be obvious from the context. One good rule of thumb with neowords, as they’re called, is to use them at least twice in at least two different contexts (I stole that from Samuel R. Delany). Hmm, I actually stole tsan as well, from Vivian… well, a little thievery is never bad (with permission, obviously!) (Vivian: I forgive you my friend 💜). Somehow it feels like you already knew it was stolen. Oh well. We’ve got a new swear word here, undefined. Does it mean poor? Wretched? Dirty? Scum? The worst of the worst? We don’t know, and we don’t need to know. It’s enough to know it’s an insult. With every neoword you use, make sure you use it in context and don’t waste time going into a full description. That’s infodumping. Which again, we’re trying to avoid.
Basically, adding dialogue brings your scene to life. The previous version, while it had great setting and was a scene instead of a character thinking, lacked life and energy. Now it’s active, not passive. Now it shows instead of tells. But there’s still something missing. We’ve got a great scene, but who exactly are these characters? We can see them, but we don’t really know anything about them, especially Tristan, our protag. This is where we get into the final step, characterization.
Fleshing out Your Characters
We’ve got a really good scene now! However, as I said, we don’t really get a feel for our characters. Oh, there are glimpses. Dialogue will do that. But we can dive in much deeper. In fact, let’s look at dialogue. In the above scene, and in most first drafts of dialogue, everyone pretty much sounds the same. You might have some unique words, such as tsan, that give characters a sense of uniqueness, but overall, it’s all one voice. Usually it’s your voice as the author. For a lot of authors, characters just sound like them.
There are a lot of ways to fix this, and dialogue should be first on the list. Always pay attention to how your characters are speaking: their vocabulary, grammar, mannerisms, and accent. What does that say about who they are as a person? How educated are they? Can you tell where they come from? What is their personality like? All of these questions are answered in dialogue.
Accent is an easy one to adopt, but watch out. Excessive and extreme accents are annoying over long periods of time. The occasional word or phrase is fine and often good. We’re using tsan, after all. You can even have an entire sentence. But if you want a major character to have an extreme accent, you don’t want to phonetically spell out every single word they’re saying or you’ll completely lose the audience. My go to strategy is to describe the accent the first time they talk, then refer to it occasionally. But show, don’t tell the accent. Not necessarily in the dialogue itself (though having a character’s first line be phonetic is often a good way to establish it), but through your descriptions. That’s where character comes in. How does your character feel about the accent? That personality and attitude will reveal their perspective on the world, thus continuing your worldbuilding while also establishing character.
Now, another thing that’s missing is internal monologue. You’ve got to watch out here as well. This tends to be a weakness of mine, so I’ll be really careful in our example. Internal monologue easily turns into infodumps, and that’s exactly what we’re trying to avoid. What you want to include is opinions, attitude, and reactions to things. If you have a sarcastic teen protag, you probably want them making snarky little comments in their head. If you have a forlorn lover ripped from their beloved, probably some wistful thoughts and reactions. Your point of view will determine how close to the character’s mind you are (read my blog on point of view!), and that should guide how often you’re dipping into those personal thoughts. Even if you have a fairly distant POV, though, you want to give attitude and reactions.
(Vivian here, this, internal monologues turning to infodumps, is very common for a lot of writers and it bogs down pacing like mad!)
Taking all of this together, let’s see what we can do with our scene.
Tristan recoiled as a beggar stumbled towards him in the otherwise empty street, her tattered robe telling of past glory. The stitching held despite the overuse, but the faded crimson was now a pale rose, holes revealing skin underneath. She held out grimy hands, dirty face twisted in desperation.
“Please, good sir.” Her voice barely carried, cracking at the second word. “My children are starving.”
Her round vowels and sing-songy voice echoed the accent of a noble, not a beggar. His heart twinged. How far she had fallen.
“Sorry,” he said. “I need every penny I have.”
Tears filled her eyes. “Anything helps–”
A rumbling shattered her request, and Tristan leapt to the side of the road to avoid the elegant coach careening towards the noble’s house at the top of the hill. The horses shrieked and jerked to one side as the woman fell to the ground. His first instinct was to help her, but he might get hit. He bit his lip, aching with the desire to help. As the carriage passed, a head draped with a fine white wig stuck out.
“Damn tsan!” The noble spat out the expletive, and the woman flinched. “I dare say filth like you needs to be put away.”
This time he did spit, the spattle flying towards the woman but falling short. She inhaled a ragged breath as the carriage continued without further incident. That wasn’t always the case. No one could predict what the nobles would do. He grimaced at the memory of one beggar beaten for daring to stand his ground, but the relief flooding through Tristan washed away that memory. She was here, now, and he could actually do something to help.
Tristan knelt, wincing at the heat of her skin. A fever most likely, but there was nothing he could do right now. Fury built deep in his belly at the injustice. The nobles would pay. A thought struck him, and he dismissed it. There was a way he could help, but at what cost?
“I can’t give you money, but…” His voice faded, then steely resolve washed over him. “I can help. Not sure how much. If I’m not at the mansion before evening, I’m not sure what’ll happen.”
After this last attempt at peacefully petitioning the nobles, the only answer was violence. Maybe he should just accept that. He shook his head sharply No. Innocent people would be dragged into this, and he wanted to avoid that.
The woman trembled under his hand.
“Thank you, kind sir,” she mumbled, then fainted in his arms. He tightened his grip.
“Better be worth it.” His muttering was as quiet as her thanks had been. Physical touch was vital, but a layer of dirt already gathered on his palm. “Focus,” he whispered. “Focus.”
He obeyed that command, focusing on his energy, drawing inwards and preparing for the inevitable weakness that would result from this. Then he chuckled.
“Damn, I can’t believe people go to school for this.” He thought of the years of study some people went through and how lucky he was to have an innate talent. Healing magic took a lot of skill, but he had never needed lessons. The magic flowed from his hands easily now that his concentration was high, and he knew he would be saving this woman from illness and death. Magic could do that, if you were willing to pay the price.
Did you notice the difference? It’s subtle at times, though petitioning the nobles has been fleshed out. Just like with Tristan helping the woman when I turned it into a scene, I had no idea this would happen. Once I got into his mind and tried to figure out his thoughts, though, I realized it fit his reactions and personality exactly. Again, let your characters lead you. As a first draft (which this is, I’m writing it as I write this blog), this little bit has suddenly opened up the plot dramatically. Now I’ve got a story! Such juicy conflict happening here. I can’t wait to see what happens next, and if he’s able to get there in time or if helping this woman prevents him from his petition. Either way, I foresee violence. Once something like that is planted, you need to follow through.
We’ve got two types of changes, first to dialogue, and second to the internal monologue. For the beggar, we’ve suddenly given her personality and a storyline of her own. Instead of phonetically spelling out her accent, I changed “sir” to “good sir” to show more formality, then described her accent in the narrative. This is a great strategy. Based on this description, the reader knows what type of accent to imagine. In addition, the accent reveals character. Now we know she used to be a noble yet is somehow now a beggar. How did that happen? Maybe we’ll find out. Maybe she becomes a character in this story. Or maybe we later find out that several nobles have faced that fate, and it’s part of the conflict! Who knows at this point, but it’s another thing that we’ve planted. She’s a person now.
Tristan’s dialogue was shortened in several places to show the difference between the woman and the noble in the carriage’s more formal language (despite only getting glimpses of it) and his informality. That indicates his class when contrasted with her and the noble, whose dialogue got tweaked as well. All of these dialogue changes help it evolve from three characters with my voice to three characters with unique voices.
And of course, we finally have some internal monologue. I had to be careful with this, as I frequently turn internal monologue into infodumping. In fact, I had to revise this several times. Vivian knows my struggles and often helps me spot problem spots. In fact, zhi made me own gif to represent my love of unnecessary exposition. (Vivian: it is really this bad, trust me)
In my first draft, I had Tristan pause to think about how he needed to reach the mansion before sunset because it was the last chance at peaceful petitioning before his allies resorted to violence, that in fact his allies were pushing for violence and only allowing him this final chance because they knew it would fail. It was terrible, terrible infodumping. So I revised it. I put it in the scene through some setting description, and I also put it in dialogue. Now he’s not thinking it, he’s saying it. Plus, I didn’t give everything away. Do we need to know that he has allies yet? Nope. Let’s save that for later. Figuring out what to tell when is a key factor in getting rid of unnecessary and telling exposition.
The attention to detail in dialogue and internal monologue has revealed new action and a whole new dimension to the plot. It’s increased our understanding of the setting by showing different classes and also the fall from noble to beggar. We want to know more about this world. Our dialogue is finally on point in relaying information without dumping it, and finally, our protag now feels real, with thoughts and opinions of his own. Plus, bonus, the beggar is now a three-dimensional character with the potential to reappear at some point in the story!
Okay, we’ve got a scene that’s going great. There’s just one last itty bitty thing, and it has to do with magic. Because as much as our scene succeeds, there’s one last bit where it fails to show, not tell.
“Interaction” over “Function”
Okay, you probably think you’re finished. You started with a passive chunk of thoughts and observations. You put it into a scene, immediately making it more active. Then you described the setting, adding to story, characters, and world. Then you took my favorite step (Vivian’s too) of adding dialogue, and suddenly the scene came to life. Why, you even developed your dialogue and added some relevant emotions and reactions! You’re done, right? What else is there?
Well, there’s one last way that we’re currently telling instead of showing, and that comes down to many writer’s favorite cogs: magic systems or fanciful technologies. This all relates to the title of this section. Humans care far more about how we interact with things as opposed to how they function. Can you describe to me the quantum mechanical phenomena used for your SSSD and other components in your smartphone? Me neither! We’re all dummies! But hey, we still know how to interact with the phone, and that’s all that matters. That’s important: we want to see how people interact with things, not read boring lectures about how they function. We want to see how to use the magic and technology, not be told the details of how it works. Again, infodumping. We want to be shown. How do people interact with these things? What are the possibilities, and, more importantly, what are the limitations? (Vivian: The only time function is more important for you as a writer/worldbuilder is in order to keep things consistent, build upon all the cogs, and know what they can and cannot do.)
One of the defining features of fantasy is magic, and the defining characteristic of science fiction is technology beyond what we currently have. These are absolutely essential, though their importance varies in different stories. Sometimes we just get glimpses of undefined magic at a distance and mentions of technology that influences life but isn’t directly described or used. But a lot of the time, the magic and technology play a key role in the story. Follow Vivian’s Rule #4: the more central a cog is, the more it must be fleshed out. That means that the more important magic and technology are in your story, the more you need to develop them.
And that’s where we run into problems. We need to develop these cogs, so descriptions are obvious, right? Well, yes and no. Brief descriptions? Mentions? Words? Rumors? Sure. Long descriptions of how the magic works? Now we’re getting into infodumping. Some writers get around this by having their character new to magic or the technology. That lets other characters explain it in dialogue, which is good, right? Again, yes and no. It certainly can work, but more often than not, you’re just telling Bob things he ought to be learning through action rather than being passively told. Again, you want active over passive, and you want to show, don’t tell. Are you sick of that saying yet? Yeah, try getting a graduate degree in creative writing. I think I heard that at least once a week. Anyway, if your character is new (a totally valid choice), you want to have them practicing the magic and using the technology. Don’t just have a teacher warn you that a certain spell can backfire, explode, and sear off your eyebrows. Have your character try the spell before they’ve mastered it! Then the explosion is more interesting, and I bet your character didn’t expect to lose their eyebrows. Don’t just read a warning on a robot telling you not to turn it on. Actually turn it on, and then realize the dire consequences. Now, a little telling is good. Maybe you do want a warning first with either of these. That’s fine. But keep the warning brief, and let the action reveal the consequences.
Let’s try our scene again. Note: there are minor changes earlier, but most of these changes occur towards the end.
Tristan recoiled as a beggar stumbled towards him in the otherwise empty street, her tattered robe telling of past glory. The stitching held despite the overuse, but the faded crimson was now a pale rose, holes revealing skin underneath. She held out grimy hands, dirty face twisted in desperation.
“Please, good sir.” Her voice barely carried, cracking at the second word. “My children are starving.”
Her round vowels and sing-songy voice echoed the accent of a noble, not a beggar. His heart twinged. How far she had fallen.
“Sorry,” he said. “I need every penny I have.”
Tears filled her eyes. “Anything helps–”
A rumbling shattered her request, and Tristan leapt to the side of the road to avoid the elegant coach careening towards the noble’s house at the top of the hill. The horses shrieked and jerked to one side as the woman fell to the ground. His first instinct was to help her, but he might get hit. He bit his lip, aching with the desire to help, hands trembling with suppressed magic. As the carriage passed, a head draped with a fine white wig stuck out.
“Damn tsan!” The noble spat out the expletive, and the woman flinched. “I dare say filth like you needs to be put away.”
This time he did spit, the spattle flying towards the woman but falling short. She inhaled a ragged breath as the carriage continued without further incident. That wasn’t always the case. No one could predict what the nobles would do. He grimaced at the memory of one beggar beaten for daring to stand his ground, but the relief flooding through Tristan washed away that memory. She was here, now, and he could actually do something to help.
Tristan knelt, wincing at the heat of her skin. A fever most likely, but there was nothing he could do right now. Fury built deep in his belly at the injustice. The nobles would pay. A thought struck him, and he dismissed it. There was a way he could help, but at what cost?
“I can’t give you money, but…” His voice faded, then steely resolve washed over him. “I can help. Not sure how much. If I’m not at the mansion before evening, I’m not sure what’ll happen.”
After this last attempt at peacefully petitioning the nobles, the only answer was violence. Maybe he should just accept that. He shook his head sharply No. Innocent people would be dragged into this, and he wanted to avoid that.
The woman trembled under his hand.
“Thank you, kind sir,” she mumbled, then fainted in his arms. He tightened his grip.
“Better be worth it.” His muttering was as quiet as her thanks had been. He laid his hand on her arm, a layer of dirt already gathered on his palm. “Focus,” he whispered. “Focus.”
Energy flowed into him as he obeyed that command. Then he chuckled.
“Damn, I can’t believe people go to school for this.”
His palm stung, and he hastily returned his focus. Idiot. Losing focus was deadly. He shut his eyes, allowing his mind to gather strength from his body to channel into hers. Weakness ebbed through him.
“Definitely not going to make it,” he managed as blackness edged his vision. If he kept going, he might faint just like her. Reluctantly, he withdrew, then tested her forehead. The fever was gone. “Thank the gods.”
She was still sick, still starving, and her family was still destitute. But at least she wasn’t on the brink of death. He managed to get to his feet, leaning against the coarse brick of the swordsmith at the side of the street. He glanced at the sun and mentally tested his body. No chance he would make it.
He gently pressed his foot against the woman, still lying in the street. “Hey. You’ve got to get up before the police come to investigate.”
That wouldn’t end well, and he couldn’t help his smile as she gave a moan and opened her eyes. They were bright and alert, and she got to her feet far more easily than he had.
“A healer,” she said, awe shading her noble accent. “I can’t possibly afford your prices. How can I repay you?”
“No need. I’m not like one of those healers.” His lip curled at the thought of the university trained healers charging exorbitant fees. “Let’s just get you to safety, and me to a place to recover.”
Hmm, I seem to keep expanding this, but that’s great! Our world has a new dimension: police. What will they do? What are they like? (Vivian: It also adds additional things to the world making it feel more alive and not static and unchanging when the protag(s) is not around). Our dialogue continues, with his a little shorter and brusquer than hers. Another mention of her accent, which fits in well. Characterization is clear, as we see his thoughts and inner feelings as he heals her, and she revives. Nice. But the big difference is that now we see the magic, not get told about it. Nowhere does it mention that magic has a cost. That was mentioned several times in earlier versions. It was even mentioned relatively well, since it set up the stakes of his actions. Now, though, instead of reading about it, we see it. It’s not just that it causes weakness in an abstract way. We see it impacting him directly. We see action, not a passive description. And those university trained healers? What jerks. Before, it was just a mention that most people are trained. Now we get not only the fact that they exist but a little bit about their personalities and priorities. Our world has expanded, our dialogue has deepened, and our characters have developed. Exactly what we want to happen.
Again, people aren’t interested in how things work. They want to see the effects and how the magic and technology interact with the characters and worlds. I don’t need to know quantum mechanics to use my phone. I just need to know how to press the phone screen in a way that gives me my five starting letters in Wordle and hope against hope that I get it on the first try. People want to know how you interact with magic and technology, not how it functions. Remember that.
The Final Product
This scene has grown quite a bit, hasn’t it? We’ve added things, cut things, but overall, this is now a significant moment in our story. That bolsters the plot, develops the characters, and we now have a clear sense of the world. Yes, these methods increase the word count, but the thing is, in most instances when the writing becomes more engaging, readers don’t notice more words because they’re so caught up in the story. When you’re bored, every word gets noticed and every paragraph is a drag. When you’re drawn in, you forget that 1+1=2 and think 1+1=1. Engaging content should be your first goal.
Maybe you end up needing to cut some of this. That’s fine, but remember what’s important, and don’t destroy your setting, dialogue, characters, and interactions with the magic or technology just for the word count. Cut scenes that don’t work to advance the plot, develop your world, or give insights into character. Cut characters who don’t add anything or are similar to others. Cut storylines that don’t add to the main story you want to tell. But don’t go in and hack away the bits of each scene that make it what it is.
There will be times when you need to tell, it’s true. There will be times when you don’t need dialogue. Do you need to show people greeting each other every time they see someone? No. Sometimes summary works better. But anytime you want to call attention to something, put it in scene, build your setting, add dialogue, and flesh out your characters. And of course, show interactions, not functions. These simple tips will eliminate infodumps and give you exposition that works for you, not against you.
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Copyright ©️ 2023 Anne Winchell. Original ideas belong to the respective authors. Generic concepts such as the strategies for fixing infodumps are copyrighted under Creative Commons with attribution, and any derivatives must also be Creative Commons. However, specific ideas such as the characters, plot, magic system, and other identifying features of the story used and all language or exact phrasing are individually copyrighted by the respective authors. Contact them for information on usage and questions if uncertain what falls under Creative Commons. We’re almost always happy to give permission. Please contact the authors through this website’s contact page.
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