Writing 102: Dialogue
Greetings, you blathering maws! Another exciting topic of Checks notes Dialogue! Now if you can shut up, sit down, and pay attention, Lady Verbosa, Anne Winchell, will take you through how to do talking in writing! Take it from here, Anne!
Why Dialogue?
(Anne:) Thanks, Vivian! Let’s dive right in. Creators have a lot of tools at our disposal, and dialogue is an absolutely vital one. Can you have a story without dialogue? Sure. There are some good ones that focus entirely on a single person and stay internal to that character or show them in isolation (although even in this case, it’s really common for a character to talk to themselves using the same tricks I’ll discuss today!). So it’s possible, but it’s really hard to do well, and it only works for an incredibly narrow range of stories. In general, you’re going to be showing multiple characters, and that means dialogue.
Which immediately raises the question, what is dialogue? Dialogue is when you use spoken language that uses quotation marks or italics to signify different speakers, though it can be internal conversations or physical languages like sign language under some circumstances (still using either quotation marks or italics). Language is complicated! We’re going to be examining spoken language in this blogpost, but just be aware there are other options. Honestly though, nine times out of ten it’s going to be plain old conversations using quotation marks.
So why is it so vitally important? Well, if you don’t have good dialogue, even the best story will fall flat. Don’t worry, by the end of this post you should have a good idea how to use dialogue, and how to improve it! Even if you feel confident with your dialogue, it’s always good to review. It’s also important to realize that while you might excel at some elements of dialogue, you might not be great at others. There’s always room for improvement!
Today, then, we’re going to look at a conversation between three characters in a space opera setting, and I’m going to walk through how to take it from a jumbled mess into something that I think is pretty decent, then Vivian is going to give it a shot with zhir own version using the same starting topic and characters! I am of course going to critique zhir efforts… Mwahaha! (Vivian: THE PAIN! 😭 THE ANNE-GEL OF DEATH! )
Okay, dialogue time! I have to warn you in advance, this is going to be bad… Very bad. I promise it’ll get better!
“Bob, do you remember that it is Flightday coming up?” “What is Flightday?” “Flightday is the day when Aves first take flight. They are an avian species who can fly. Their wings do not fully develop until they turn five cycles old, but Flightday does not happen on their birthday. Everyone who turns five cycles celebrates on the same day. That is Flightday. After this day, Aves begin counting their age. Before that it is not considered proper.” “Mjinta and Bob, we should do something for Klert to celebrate.” “The traditional celebration is to fly with the new Aves who have just taken flight. We are not Aves. We cannot do this.” “Why do we not celebrate according to human custom? Two of us are human, me and Sally.” “The traditional human celebration that has survived all of these centuries in outer space even though Earth was destroyed and humans are now a migratory people is to have a cake.” “A cake is a baked dessert. Klert enjoys baked desserts.” “Then we will have a cake.”
If you’re absolutely lost and cringing from how terrible that is, well, good. If you think that was decent dialogue, then boy do you need this post!
Improving Written Dialogue
I’m calling this written dialogue because we’re looking at written media, and honestly most media starts out written. Movies, TV shows, plays, video games… They all start out as scripts. I’m not going to go into screenplay format (maybe in a later blog?), so I’m really going to focus on books for this. And while all of these apply to nonfiction as well, my examples are obviously all fiction, and the big example we’re working with is space opera (Vivian’s favorite!). I’m going to go through a few major ways to improve your dialogue and after each one, we’ll get that trash scene above in increasing quality. I promise that by the end it’ll be decent!
Dialogue Tags
Aaaand we’ve stumbled on some controversy here! There are lots of opinions on dialogue tags, which are the attributions of each line of dialogue, typically in “s/he said” format. Some people say you should only use “said” as the verb because it’s invisible (or “asked” if it’s a question), and you don’t want to draw attention to the dialogue tags. Some people say that because those are invisible (and “said” and “asked” absolutely are invisible, this is true; readers absorb them without thinking), you don’t need them, and you should use dialogue tags that show how the characters are saying things using verbs (but not adverbs! Most of these people will say that if you need an adverb, it indicates that your verb isn’t strong enough). And finally, some people, myself included, try to avoid dialogue tags altogether and use action beats instead.
What’s an action beat? It’s when instead of attributing a line of dialogue directly to a character (“he said” or “she snarled”), you instead use action to indicate who is saying what. For example:
Bob’s brow crinkled. “What is Flightday?”
In this case, it’s clear that “Bob” is saying the dialogue because “Bob” is the active character immediately before the line of dialogue. You can also have the action beat after the line of dialogue, but only if it’s obvious who is saying it right off the bat.
As I talk about dialogue tags in this section, I’m going to talk about both dialogue tags and action beats, since people have different preferences, and honestly you should be doing a mix no matter where on the spectrum you fall, but one thing to be aware of is that in the publishing world, the current trend is to eliminate as many dialogue tags as possible and only use action beats.
Oh, one other quick thing: the other things you’ll want to include throughout dialogue scenes are descriptions. These are, as I hope you guess, descriptions of things, usually external, such as setting or important objects, but can be internal, such as a description of a character’s emotional reactions.
No Floating Heads
What does it mean to have floating heads? Well, there are two ways this happens: lack of dialogue tags altogether, or else dialogue tags but no action beats. Both of these are a problem! The initial block of dialogue above has floating heads to an excessive extent in both of these categories.
The first major problem is when the dialogue is just dialogue with nothing else there. No dialogue tags, no action beats, just endless lines of dialogue. Now, usually dialogue will have proper paragraph breaks, which I’ll get to in a second, and sometimes you end up with, like, a whole page of just back and forth dialogue, and the reader will quickly lose track of who is saying what, ESPECIALLY if you have more than two characters. Even with two characters it’s a challenge, even if everything else is done well.
I’ve edited stories where it’s just back and forth like this. It helps if the characters name-drop within the dialogue, but that’s pretty artificial (I’ll get to that soon too!). Now, does this mean you need a dialogue tag or action beat with every single line of dialogue? Nope! You can get away with usually up to three lines without it in a two person conversation (Character A, Character B, Character A, then you need something). If you have more people, well, it really depends, but you generally want something for every line of dialogue. I mean, could you tell who was saying what in that terrible terrible chunk of dialogue above? Do you even know how many characters there are?
Another KEY problem with floating heads, and the most common mistake people make, is a scene where the reader has literally no idea what is actually happening in the scene. Sure, there are dialogue tags, but they don’t reveal anything more than who is saying what and, if you’re doing active verbs and not “said,” how people are saying it. There aren’t any descriptions or action beats! This is not good writing! It’s just a bunch of floating heads saying things! (Hence the name of this problem). Dialogue is good, but on its own, it’s practically worthless. Where are the characters physically situated in the world? What is going on around them? Between them? I’ll talk later about how to improve personality, and mannerisms, actions, and reactions are key. You really need to show the external world and not just what people are saying. Even if your dialogue tags are perfect, if that’s all you have for an extended conversation (again, more than three lines), it’ll be utterly boring.
So how do you fix this? Luckily, it’s pretty simple. Make sure you use dialogue tags and action beats, and include descriptions of the world around your characters, especially if things change. And hey, having the external world reflect the dialogue can be fun too! If your characters are arguing in front of an erupting volcano, we’ve got a nice parallel to the violence, and if they have to keep pausing to dodge lava or move out of its way, we’ve got nice breaks. And if they help each other avoid the danger despite their argument, that says quite a lot about their history and relationship!
Proper Attribution
Next up! Every line of dialogue needs to be clearly attributed to the person who says it. When you have a dialogue tag, this is usually pretty easy as it’s connected, but there are still plenty of ways you can mess up. Let’s actually look at dialogue tags first.
If you’re using “said,” you’re generally fairly safe because “said” is a verb that shows speech. However, if you’re using anything else, be careful! If you have a line of dialogue followed by “ comma quotation mark [noun/pronoun] [verb],” you MUST make sure the verb actually shows speech because the dialogue tag is an extension of that line of dialogue thanks to the comma. The dialogue tag describes how the character is saying it. So many people use action verbs in place of speech verbs. For example:
“Then we will have a cake,” Bob shrugged.
NO! JUST NO! YOU CAN’T SHRUG WORDS! (Vivian: watch me! Fails spectacularly my shoulders!) “Shrugged” is an action beat, not a dialogue tag. It shows action, not describes speech! If you want to use shrugged, then to properly attribute it, you use a period at the end of the line of dialogue, then the action beat (formerly dialogue tag).
“Then we will have a cake.” Bob shrugged.
Another really common one is “smiled”--you can’t smile words! So just don’t.
If you have a whole bunch of improperly attributed dialogue tags like this, where the verbs don’t describe speaking and instead describe action, you’ll look unprofessional and quickly lose your reader. Personally, this irritates me so much, partially because I’m of the camp that says eliminate dialogue tags and replace them with action beats. And… you have an action beat right there! Why for the love of Divinum are you trying to make it a dialogue tag? So basically, look at every single dialogue tag you use and ask yourself what it does, and if it should be an action beat instead.
Okay, so those are the potential issues with dialogue tags. In general, though, they make attribution easy. The line of dialogue has a clear, connected speaker. Action beats are trickier, and the order of sentences is really important. Paragraph breaks are vital too, which I’ll get to next.
The subject of the sentence in front of a line of dialogue must be the speaker of that line of dialogue. Now, there are very few hard rules in writing, but this verges on one. Readers expect this, and if you don’t do it, they’ll be really confused. For example:
Sally sighed. “Then we will have a cake.” Bob shrugged.
Okay, who just said that? A reasonable person will say Sally, because she came immediately before the dialogue, but if you read the example above, you know that it’s Bob. Even if you have a dialogue tag at the end instead of an action beat, it’s still confusing.
Sally sighed. “Then we will have a cake,” Bob said with a shrug.
Because we see Sally’s name and then the dialogue, we’re thinking “Sally” when we read it, and it can be jarring to see that it’s actually Bob. This is especially true if you have a larger chunk of dialogue, not just a single line. By the way, notice what I did with that dialogue tag? If you’re really attached to your action verb but can’t use it as your description verb, you can just add a new verb about speech (“said” of course being the classic) and follow it with “with a [verb you liked in noun format].” You might need to adjust the wording on that, but it’s a good way to keep the action without adding an entirely new sentence, because sometimes you don’t want a new sentence.
Paragraph Breaks
At first glance, this one is really easy. However, there are a few gray areas that I’ll cover. In general, you want every speaker to be on a new line. So any lines of dialogue by Sally along with any action beats featuring her and associated with that dialogue would be in one paragraph, then lines of dialogue and action beats by Bob in another paragraph, then lines of dialogue and actions beats by Mjinta would be in another (did you know the chunk at the beginning had three characters and one is Mjinta? No, because the dialogue tags are so bad!). Descriptions generally go in their own paragraph, though there are exceptions if they’re in the middle of things.
Where does it get tricky? Basically when you have long stretches of things. If you have a ton of dialogue, then have a ton of action beats, see if you can add a dialogue tag or very brief action beat somewhere in the middle of the dialogue and move the action beats to a new paragraph. Or, if it’s clear who’s speaking, just put the action beats in a new paragraph. Similarly, if you have a long section with action beats clearly attributed to one character followed by dialogue by that character, you can put the dialogue in a new paragraph. The character saying the dialogue just has to come first, not necessarily be in the same paragraph.
And where are the gray areas? Say you have a short line of dialogue, then a long section of action beats, maybe combined with some descriptions of internal dialogue and reactions, all clearly attributed to the speaking character, then another short line of dialogue. So… do you put it all together? Do you try to split it up? It really depends. If it splits up easily, go for it. Otherwise, even though it might look odd, it all goes together.
And a final quirk of long chunks of dialogue: if you have a lot–and I mean a lot–to the point where you need to break your dialogue into paragraphs because it’s just too much, there’s special formatting. At the end of the paragraph, there is NO closing quotation mark. The next paragraph DOES have an opening quotation mark. Simple, and vitally important to show it’s a continuation of the same character’s dialogue.
The Scene
Taking all of that into account, let’s look at our dialogue scene again:
“Bob, do you remember that it is Flightday coming up?” Sally asked, seating herself across from him at the table.
Bob’s brow crinkled. “What is Flightday?”
Annoyed, Mjinta looked up from the ship’s controls. “Flightday is the day when Aves first take flight. They are an avian species who can fly. Their wings do not fully develop until they turn five cycles old, but Flightday does not happen on their birthday. Everyone who turns five cycles celebrates on the same day. That is Flightday. After this day, Aves begin counting their age. Before that it is not considered proper.”
Sally’s eyes lit up. “Mjinta and Bob, we should do something for Klert to celebrate.”
“The traditional celebration is to fly with the new Aves who have just taken flight.” Mjina recited the information as if from a book. “We are not Aves. We cannot do this.”
The three of them stared out the main monitor at the vastness of space, then Bob tapped his fingers on the table.
“Why don’t we celebrate according to human custom? Two of us are human, me and Sally.”
Sally nodded. “The traditional human celebration that has survived all of these centuries in outer space even though Earth was destroyed and humans are now a migratory people is to have a cake.”
After adjusting the controls, Mjinta turned her full attention to the others. “A cake is a baked dessert. Klert enjoys baked desserts.”
Sally rolled her eyes, and Bob shrugged. “Then we will have a cake.”
So… still terrible, but at least now we know what’s going on and who is saying what!
Language Patterns
This is another weak spot for a lot of people. The previous section was all about structure and what surrounds the dialogue. This section is about the dialogue itself.
Improved Realism
One strategy for learning to write realistic dialogue is to eavesdrop on other people. No, not in a creepy way! (Vivian: I am bringing my camera!) It’s pretty common advice for writers to go to a café and just sit, listen, and possibly take notes. This gives you a great idea what people talk about and how they say it. But you absolutely can’t write your dialogue the same way people speak! Instead, you use what I call improved realism.
Your language should be realistic, first and foremost. You want to sound like a real person and not a machine. Well, if you’re writing a machine you want to sound like a machine. But other than that! However, in our speech, we do a ton of things that don’t translate to fiction well. You need to cut a lot of excess language.
First is basic information ranging from greetings to infodumps. The reader doesn’t need to see the characters say hello and make small talk. Just get to the meat of the matter already! Sometimes you can include things like this if it’s actually relevant to one of the purposes of dialogue I’ll talk about way at the end, but it’s usually not. Infodumps also get in here. I go over those in a blogpost on exposition, and I reference dialogue as a solution. This section is the expansion of that! If characters already know information, they wouldn’t talk about it. One way to get around this is to have characters recite things, as I had in the slightly better dialogue sample above. That fills your reader in while also showing character, two purposes that I promise I’ll get to.
Second, every language has filler words. Uh, you know what they are. It’s, like, difficult to talk without them, um, but they’ll, like, drive your reader insane if you, you know, include them. Every once in a while, sure. It can add to a character’s voice. But you want to eliminate as many as possible.
And finally, use contractions! While there are times when you don’t want them, such as if you want a character to really emphasize a “not” or space out every single word, or if it’s a very formal event (or your character is very formal), in almost every case, people use contractions, and you should, too. If you don’t have a good reason for not using them, use them. Just default to that. It’s better pretty much all of the time. (Vivian: as a non-native, this one sometimes gets me because in Swedish we don’t use them at all… We don’t even have them!)
Those are the three key ways that dialogue in fiction improves upon realism in order to keep your reader’s interest and prevent them from tearing their hair out.
Using Names
Another super common thing writers do is give character names in dialogue. Often, this is because they want to make it clear that one character is referring to another. This is actually one I do a lot (and edit out a lot!). When you sit at your cafe (or wherever you decide to eavesdrop), listen to how often people refer to each other by name. Basically, people don’t. If you’re talking about someone else, you’ll use their name, but it’s incredibly rare that we use names when addressing each other, and this should be reflected in your dialogue. One exception to this is if the name is used in a particular manner, like a villain scornfully calling out a hero (“Oh is that so, Anne?”). You might also have characters use nicknames for each other occasionally. Don’t overdo it, because we don’t do it a lot in real speech, but it adds a little something to the story and lets you refer to characters directly without sounding unrealistic if you really really like doing that.
The Scene
Okay, simple changes but let’s see what we can improve.
Sally sat across the table from Bob and smiled at him. “Do you remember that it’s Flightday coming up?”
Bob’s brow crinkled. “What’s Flightday?”
Annoyed, Mjinta looked up from the ship’s controls. “Flightday’s the day when Aves first take flight. Their wings aren’t fully developed until they turn five cycles old, but everyone celebrates on the same day. Flightday.”
Sally’s eyes lit up. “We should do something for Klert to celebrate.”
“The traditional celebration is to fly with the new Aves who have just taken flight.” Mjina recited the information as if from a book. “We aren’t Aves. We can’t do this.”
The three of them stared out the main monitor at the vastness of space, then Bob tapped his fingers on the table.
“Why don’t we celebrate according to human custom? Two of us are human, me and Sally.”
Sally nodded. “The traditional human celebration is to have a cake.”
After adjusting the controls, Mjinta turned her full attention to the others. “Klert would enjoy cake.”
Bob shrugged. “Then we’ll have a cake.”
That eliminated a ton of unnecessary information and made the language a lot smoother. I’d say it’s at least readable now, but not great.
Personality
One great thing about dialogue is that it gives each of your characters a unique voice. Don’t let that go to waste! It’s so easy to have all of your characters talk like you talk, or all talk the same way. I know, because I tend to do this in my first drafts. Every character is just some variation of me. But it absolutely wastes the potential of your story. You want every little detail to add something, and dialogue is a wonderful tool.
Diction
A character’s word choice reveals a lot about them. Are they formal? Casual? Educated? From a certain social or economic class? Of a certain cultural group or subgroup? Do they throw in words from their own native language? All of this is reflected in every single word they say.
Keep in mind, of course, that language shifts with context. I speak to my friends differently than my parents which is different from my colleagues and that’s very different from how I speak to my students. We all do this (it’s called code-switching). Your characters should do it, too. Give them distinct diction depending on the people they’re talking to and the situation they’re in. It helps give the impression that your characters are real people. Now, don’t go overboard with this and have too many differences! You want them to be recognizably the same character. You can often do this by having certain phrases or terms they use regardless of anything else or certain grammatical structures they default to.
Then we have accent and dialect. Be careful here, because it gets old fast. My general advice is that if you want to have a main character have a distinctive accent or a dialect, you might give them a line or two in it, then default to normal and occasionally include unobtrusive elements, or just describe the accent in the dialogue tag, action beat, or description. Don’t assume everyone is familiar with the accent or dialect if you’re using a real one. Give some sort of description, especially because it makes the writing more lively. “A Southern accent” is dull, and not every reader will know what that is. “A Southern drawl” gives a clear impression of what the language is like without a lot of effort.
If you have a minor character without a lot of dialogue, you can spell things phonetically if you want, just again be warned that readers typically don’t like it for extended periods. I know I get irritated very quickly, and the thicker the accent/dialect, the faster I lose my patience. I’m there to lose myself in the story, not translate some dialogue that could easily be written in a clearer manner.
Finally, we have the inclusion of offensive language. Vivian and I discussed offensive language in this blogpost. Whether or not your character uses this language–and how often–says a lot about them. First, do they swear at all? Some characters don’t, and some swear like a sailor (note that career actually does play a role and should be factored in). If they swear, what kinds of swear words do they use? If they don’t, what kind of gosh darn replacement words might they use? Do they swear, or do they insult? Do they use slurs? That can reveal quite a bit about relationships! And also about their general attitude towards life and other groups of people. It can also show character development if they start out using slurs, then learn about those people and stop using that language. And of course context matters a lot. If they swear, when do they swear? Why? Around which people?
Basically, offensive language says a lot about a character, and whether it’s the occasional “Fuck!” when they stub a toe, calling someone a “tsan” in your alien language, or shooting off a string of profanities that would make the coarsest person in the galaxy blush, offensive language can make or break a character.
Mannerism
There are mannerisms in speech which I referenced above with preferred language and grammar, and also mannerisms in behavior that get reflected in dialogue scenes. You might have a character from a different species speak with stilted grammar or perhaps be overly formal at all times because they aren’t entirely comfortable with the language. Or you might have a character swear all the time (but probably noticeably clean up their act around certain characters they love and respect, like a parent-figure, which shows a great contrast and reveals their relationships to those characters).
Dialogue tags and action beats are also great places to add mannerisms. If you’re using “said” or “asked,” well, you can’t do a lot with dialogue tags, but if you use more interesting verbs, you can create an impression of who they are through the verbs that you use. Now, at the very beginning I mentioned that most people in the interesting verb camp don’t like adverbs. Personally, I find some adverbs to be useful and even necessary. There isn’t always a stronger verb that says exactly what you want, and sometimes there are differences. You might say that “spoke quietly” can be replaced by the stronger verb “whispered,” but I would argue that “she spoke quietly” is very different than “she whispered.” Speaking is not whispering regardless of volume. So I would say not to be afraid of adverbs. Does your character say something “sarcastically”? Do they “mutter under their breath”? Do they “stutter”? “Snarl”? All of those say something about the character.
And finally, action beats give your characters a chance for things like nervous tics or habits. One of my characters always rubs her hands on her thighs when she’s nervous, and another tugs their sleeves when trying to make a point. They might “scowl” or “grin toothily” or “smirk.” (Note: these are all action verbs and can’t be used as dialogue tags! As much as I love “smirk,” you can’t “smirk” words). Oh, fun fact on why I love “smirk”: I was at a writing conference listening to romance agents talk about their interests, and one said, “I can’t stand the word smirk! If I see your characters smirk, I’m putting the book down.” Obviously this inspired me to include it in as much of my writing as is reasonable!
On that note, with all of your verbs and descriptions, you don’t want to repeat yourself too much. Using the same word twice on the same page shouldn’t be accepted unless you’re doing it very deliberately. I use “smirk” maybe once every couple of chapters, or around once per 10k words. It’s pretty distinct, though. Something like “whispered” or “spoke quietly” might come more often. One way you can get around this is if Character A “spoke quietly,” you could then say that Character B “also spoke quietly,” which acknowledges the repetition and indicates that it’s being done for a reason. And of course, “said” and “asked” are invisible, so go for it.
Actions and Reactions
Dialogue gives you a great chance to show character actions and reactions, again both through the dialogue itself and dialogue tags and action beats. Description is also important here. One fun thing to do is show a difference between the dialogue and the other elements. I’m a fan of the dialogue tag “she lied” to quickly indicate that the character isn’t being truthful. This depends on point of view, of course, which you can read about in my blog on the subject. You need to be in a position where you the narrator know the character is lying in order to say this. But if you can, it can be fun! Of course, if you can indicate that they’re lying through other story elements; that works too (and often works better).
In dialogue, you can have your characters act in certain ways by having them say certain things. Each line of dialogue is either action or reaction (if you’re doing it right) even as it fulfills one of the purposes I’ll describe towards the end. For action, it’s not so much physical actions, though you can get that through the action beats and descriptions. It’s about making a statement that puts something into the world. The act of putting something into words is an action, and you can use dialogue tags, action beats, and description to develop that action further.
Then, after that action, you can show a character’s reactions through what exactly they say. Is it “I’m sorry,” “Take that back,” or the timeless “Fuck you!”? Each of those reactions says a lot about your character! Dialogue tags can be used (“she whispered” works here), as can action beats (“She recoiled with a snarl”), and description (“The words reverberated in the midnight air, crashing against Bob until he couldn’t stand it”). The conversation often pivots to a new action before long, and the process begins again!
Agenda
Looking at the actual content of the dialogue, we can get a really good feel for the agenda of our various characters. What are they interested in? What are they talking about? How straightforward and honest are they? Do they have a hidden agenda, and if so, can we infer it from their language? Stories are all about show, don’t tell, and the more you can show your character’s wants, desires, and motivations through what they say and how they say it as opposed to telling the reader through exposition, the more engaging your story will be.
The Scene
Okay, there was a bunch of stuff in that section, and there will be some bigger changes to our scene as a result. Let’s see how it goes!
Sally spun a chair backwards and plopped down across the table from Bob. “Flightday comin’ up.”
Bob’s brow crinkled. “What’s Flightday?”
Mjinta snorted softly as she shifted the ship’s controls lazily, one hand on the knob as she ran the other through her hair-tentacles and answered without looking at them. “You really are new. Flightday is the day when Aves first take flight. Their wings aren’t fully developed until they turn five cycles old, and everyone celebrates on the same day. Flightday.”
Sally grinned and leaned forward. “Wanna do something for Klert to celebrate?” Her voice was almost a purr.
“If we follow tradition, we’d have to fly with the new Aves who have just taken flight,” Mjinta said. “I don’t know about you, but I have no interest in suicide.”
Sally rolled her eyes as Bob stared out at the vastness of space through the main monitor, then tapped his fingers on the table.
“Why not celebrate according to human custom?” Genuine excitement lit his voice, and he smiled brightly at Sally, since Mjinta’s back was still to them. “If you think that’s appropriate. I mean, Sally and I are both human.”
Sally nodded. “So a human celebration. I guess traditionally that’s cake, no?”
Mjinta turned suddenly, an odd gleam in her eyes. “That’s a baked dessert.” It was a statement, not a question. At the humans’ nods, she smiled. “Klert would love that.”
Bob beamed. “Thanks for telling me about this. I had no idea. Cake it is, then!”
This is so much better, if I do say so myself. Now we have characters! We’ve got the sassy Sally, snobby Mjinta, and earnest but rather clueless Bob. There’s one more thing that will improve your dialogue dramatically, though!
Conflict
Ah, conflict, the fuel of the story! I wrote an entire blogpost about this; please check it out if you want to know how to kick your conflict into gear! Briefly, conflict in dialogue is about two characters in opposition to each other in some way. You don’t want your story to be about characters always getting along, even if the characters are friends or in a romantic relationship. While in real life you probably want to avoid too much conflict, in fiction, conflict is everything. Pack in as much as you can! There are lots of ways, so let’s examine the basic division.
Explicit
Here, the conflict is in the open and obvious to everyone. The characters might be insulting each other. They might even be fighting between their lines of dialogue in the action beats and descriptions! Or it might just be overt sarcasm as the two come to a clash over some minor thing. Whether it’s you hero and villain duking it out or two friends facing the last cookie in the jar, external conflict shows the opposition clearly and distinctly.
One other characteristic in explicit conflict is that the content of the dialogue tends to match the outward actions (dialogue tags, action beats, description). There might be deception and lies, but it’s clear there’s a conflict between the characters.
Implicit
Here we have the opposite! Now, this is a range, so conflicts might fall anywhere between totally explicit and totally implicit. But an implicit conflict is implied, never stated. The characters might be perfectly civil or even kind. But maybe we know from the rest of the story that one is plotting to kill the other, or that they’re both treasure hunters after the same jewel. Or, if we’re in a close point of view, we may know from the description of internal monologue that the main character hates the other person’s guts. But it’s not present in the dialogue itself, the dialogue tags, or the action beats. Just that character’s thoughts. This is all implicit.
As you can probably tell, one characteristic here is the mismatch of some sort. Usually it’s between content of dialogue and intent or agenda, but it can also be between content and dialogue tag or action beat (the character is superficially kind but inwardly sweating or maybe rubbing their hands nervously or shuffling their feet, or maybe their voice is higher-pitched than usual). If there is a mismatch, it’s often between content and description. You can do cool things with this. For example, a wonderfully warm conversation, but there are ominous clouds approaching that reflect the growing tension. Or two friends roasting marshmallows after one accidentally destroyed the other’s tent, and they’re seething but don’t want to ruin the camping trip. And oh look, their marshmallow just happens to catch on fire with the same intensity as the flames in their heart! Cool potential.
The Scene
Okay, let’s get one final iteration and add some conflict, then I’ll talk about the purpose of dialogue now that we’ve mastered it! Well, improved it. I don’t think anyone ever masters it.
Sally spun a chair backwards and plopped down across the table from Bob. “Flightday comin’ up.”
Bob’s brow crinkled. “What’s Flightday?”
Mjinta scoffed as she shifted the ship’s controls lazily, one hand on the knob as she ran the other through her hair-tentacles and answered without looking at them. “You really are new.” Her condescension rippled through her voice like a stone skipped across a still lake. “Flightday is the day when Aves first take flight. Their wings aren’t fully developed until they turn five cycles old, and everyone celebrates on the same day. Flightday.”
Sally grinned and leaned forward. “Wanna do something for Klert to celebrate?” Her voice was almost a purr.
“If we follow tradition, we’d have to fly with the new Aves who have just taken flight,” Mjinta said with a sneer. “I don’t know about you, but I have no interest in suicide.”
Sally rolled her eyes at Bob as if inviting him to join in her annoyance at Mjinta. However, he was staring out the main monitor at the vastness of space. A scowl crossed Sally’s face before she also turned to the void outside. Bob tapped his fingers on the table.
“Why not celebrate according to human custom?” Genuine excitement lit his voice, and he smiled cautiously at Sally, since Mjinta’s back was still to them. Sally didn’t smile back. He gulped. “If you think that’s appropriate. I mean, Sally and I are both human.” Now he did address Mjinta’s back. “You wouldn’t mind, would you?”
Sally bristled. “Course she’ll mind. What doesn’t she mind?”
Her voice snapped through the recycled air of the ship as Bob’s face fell. Sally took a deep breath.
“No, ‘s fine. So a human celebration. I guess traditionally that’s cake, no?”
Mjinta turned suddenly, an odd gleam in her eyes. “That’s a baked dessert.” It was a statement, not a question. At the humans’ nods, her lips stretched in a wide smile. “Klert would love that.”
Sally snorted. “Yeah, right, Klert,” she muttered under her breath.
Bob didn’t hear, instead beaming at both of them. “Thanks for telling me about this. I had no idea. Cake it is, then!”
This actually feels like a scene someone would want to read! It’s formatted correctly, uses correct and interesting language patterns, shows each character’s personality, plus it has some conflict! Not pew pew space fight conflict, but great interpersonal conflict. This wouldn’t be my ideal ship to serve on! So now, finally, let’s talk about what dialogue needs to accomplish.
Purpose
Finally, we come to the purpose of dialogue. I debated putting this first, but I think it’s easier to understand with the finished scene to look at. Every line of dialogue needs to accomplish one of the following five things. Ideally, each line will accomplish more, but if it doesn’t do at least one, cut it. It’s by following that policy that we get improved realism in language by eliminating unnecessary information, actually. Greetings and small talk rarely achieve these things, so away they go!
1. Relationships
One important part of dialogue is to show relationships between characters, whether friendly or not. Conflict is an important part of this, as there’s tension in any relationship. Not bad tension necessarily! Just some misalignment. After all, all of your characters are different. No two people have exactly the same values or exactly the same goals. No matter how in sync two characters might be, there should always be some difference between them. Dialogue is arguably the best way to show relationships in a story because it clearly shows that relationship rather than tells it (show, don’t tell, remember?).
Relationships can be established through diction, as I referenced before, and also by dialogue tag and action beat. Is your character respectful? Insulting? Is this their equal, or does the other character rank above or below them? Or is it that the character views this other character in a way that doesn’t reflect reality, like putting someone on a pedestal or viewing them as absolute scum regardless of the facts. Does your character have preconceived notions about this other character? There are so many facets to a relationship, and if your dialogue reveals or hints at any of them, it’s fulfilling this purpose.
2. Characterisation
We already went over how to improve dialogue by adding personality so I won’t go over this at length. Basically, if your dialogue gives a picture of your character, who they are, their personality, values, agenda, etc., then it’s fulfilling this purpose.
3. Story/Plot Advancement
Sometimes dialogue is just there to move the plot forward, and that’s fine! It doesn’t all have to be super deep and revealing. A character giving directions is enough to justify that dialogue being there. However, I strongly recommend that you combine this with at least one other purpose just to create interest. And make sure it really is necessary for the story or plot. If it’s literally just someone saying “Walk up this road and turn right,” it doesn’t need to be there. But if it’s someone saying, “Walk up this road until you see the graveyard. Keep your garlic close, don’t stop no matter what, and turn right at the central statue.” Well, that can actually contribute to plot! If I had to guess, your character is going to drop the garlic, something (or someone) will force them to stop, or they’ll turn left. There’s going to be disaster of some sort! And if there’s not, well, honestly, does it need to be there? Again, just make sure it really genuinely advances the story or plot and doesn’t just list things or give instructions or directions that don’t have any real value. If it does, then it fulfills this purpose.
4. Information/Backstory
You really want to watch out with this one to avoid infodumps, but if you’re trying to get information or backstory out, one of the best ways to do so is through dialogue. In my blogpost on Exposition, I talk specifically about how to use dialogue to do this. If you’re not sure how much to give or what crosses the line, definitely read that post. For a quick snapshot, look at the initial scene here, then look at how much I cut. Giving backstory is a valid purpose, as is giving basic information, but you don’t want to dump a bunch of unnecessary stuff. While the definition of Flightday works well, we don’t need to know the details of Earth’s demise and the current status of humans. So if your dialogue gives information or backstory within reason, then it fulfills this purpose.
(Vivian: If you wish to tell backstory, especially for characters, rig up a scene such that it is believable that they would start discussing pasts and such. Maybe playing cards or gambling. Many calm moments where a recently gathered group can share some big moments of their past relevant to the moment make it feel like they are bonding and learning about each other rather than you telling the audience.)
5. Worldbuilding
And finally, worldbuilding. Sometimes you just want dialogue that fleshes out your world. It might not have any other purpose except to make your world feel real and lived in. This is actually a place where you might include greetings in order to show how a culture greets others, or maybe to show differences in different people. You can do a lot of worldbuilding through dialogue, so if it helps develop your world, it fulfills this purpose.
Combinations
As I said, ideally you want to be doing as many of these as you can with your dialogue. If you can show a character’s relationship, characterize them, advance the plot, provide backstory, and also develop the world all in a single line of dialogue? You’ve struck gold. You don’t have to do that, but try for it.
Mini Practicum by Vivian
Okay, we should have some time for Vivian to give zhir own scene! Same character names and basic concepts, same idea of Flighday, but a totally different take! I’ll be analyzing afterwards… Mwahaha! Take it away, Vivian! (Vivian: Kill me)
The Scene
Sally entered the bridge reading on a pad. The doors closed behind her, and she looked up, “Guys, have you noticed something peculiar?”
Mjinta turned from the controls of the ship, “The overabundance of humans?”
Sally stuck out her tongue, “Two is one too many I guess! No, I meant the fact that Klert hasn’t even mentioned it is almost Flightday! No celebration talk, nothing!”
Bob looked up from his pad, “What’s flight day?”
“Flightday.” Mjinta corrected.
“That!”
Mjinta rolled her eyes as she moved a hair-tentacle away from her face. “An Aves thing. It is like a birthday except later in life. Special day when all new Aves fly together and show that they can and that they are of agency. Takes them about 5 solar cycles to get to it. Unlike you humans, they all celebrate together on the same day.”
“Even if he ain’t said anything, we should do something for him!” Sally said.
“Like what, put on some vax wings and fly with him according to tradition? Even if we weren’t in the vacuum of space, I think our crash will be before we get close to any sun.” Mjinta said as she shook her head.
Sally gave off a groan staring at the Medanus, and then looked at Bob. Bob, however, was not looking back at her. His look was at the screen that showed the emptiness of space, dotted by lone lights of a star. “Oh!” He said and snapped his fingers, turning to Sally and Mjinta, “Speaking of Earth stuff! Given it is like a birthday, but different, why not celebrate it like we do birthdays?”
Sally looked at him then to Mjinta who was back to focusing on the controls and didn’t face them. “Doubt we can, She’ll throw a fit, like she always does.”
Bob’s face fell, and he let out a heavy sigh. Mjinta didn’t turn around but spoke, “Doesn’t that involve a large cake usually?”
“Uh, yes?” Bob responded.
Mjinta turned around with a wide grin, “Klert will love it, especially if it's extra big.”
Sally snorted, “Yeah… definitely Klert.”
“Woho!” called Bob, “Cake it is! I’m baking it!” raising his arms in victory as he walked out. The door closed behind him.
“Should we tell him it’s in 10 days?” Sally asked Mjinta.
“No, consider this the bribery owed to me.”
(Vivian: Oh Great Writing Anne, bring forth thine whip of writing and lash me for each failure!)
The Analysis
I always love reading Vivian’s work! Zhi does the character dynamics so well. From the dialogue, we can tell how these characters interact. While my scene was a bit sharp and unfriendly, Vivian’s crew has a fun back-and-forth that shows that while they may tease each other and there is conflict for sure, it’s good-natured. This is something I enjoy in Vivian’s writing in general (you should totally check out zhir WIP, the characters are great!). So the dialogue really shows off the relationships.
The characters themselves are also well-defined through the dialogue, not just the content but also dialogue tags and action beats (more on those in a second). Mjinta is my favorite here, and her snark is perfect. She even knows some Earth mythology that she uses to snark at the humans specifically when she references “vax” wings (Icarus, anyone?). Sally is playful and caring enough to notice that Klert hasn’t said anything, and Bob is, well, pretty naive. We see this in what they say, but also how they say it. For example, looking at Sally, we get sticking out her tongue, indicating a playful, immature nature, Mjinta rolls her eyes in exasperation, and from Bob we get a (premature) victorious exit as he raises his hands in victory. (Vivian: WOHO! Raises hands in victory and leaves)
Like Bob, Vivian is just a wee bit early… There are a few weaknesses. The downside to the characterization is that there generally aren’t as many contractions as a native English speaker would use (see Vivian’s comment earlier about Sweden not having them), which makes it more formal, and then we get “ain’t,” which is very much not, and for me at least was quite jarring. That, however, is more a language error based on it being a second language than anything done wrong. Just pay attention to formality in your own writing. (Vivian: A funny thing I have noticed about myself: the contractions I more naturally use in English are the ones that have the least number of possible interpretations. Like ‘s is something I tend to do less of because it has “has”, “is”, or possessive, but ‘ll I am quite happy to use as it is only “will”)
Now… let’s talk about those dialogue tags and action beats. Content-wise, they’re generally good. Formatting-wise… that’s a different story. You know how I said that if a line of dialogue transitions into an action beat, you end the sentence and start the action beat as a new sentence? Well, the reverse also applies. If you have an action beat (a complete sentence), then you end it with a period. The next line, the dialogue, is its own thing. This is something Vivian is prone to doing. Zhi likes using commas everywhere! (Vivian: In my defense, I have no clue how they work and sprinkle them around and hope some are correct! SHOTGUN STYLE!) Yes, I definitely don’t recommend that if you hope to publish! You’ll give your editor a major headache! (Wait… I’m Vivian’s editor… No wonder I have so many headaches!)
Here’s an example so I can show you better:
Sally snorted, “Yeah… definitely Klert.”
There should be a period after “snorted” because it’s an action beat and its own sentence. However, if this were an actual dialogue tag where the verb could describe words/speech, this would be correct. For example:
Sally said, “Yeah… definitely Klert.”
See the difference? “Said” describes the line of dialogue, whereas “snorted” describes Sally. That’s the difference between the types of verbs. I do like this structure with it coming first, though, because it shows that you can put dialogue tags at the beginning.
One other related point here is the use of periods when there should be commas (I know, can zhi get anything right? 😜) Basically, look at what you have. Is it two complete sentences? Put a period. Is one introducing the other? Put a comma. It’s a little more complicated than that, but that’s a good start so you’re not just sprinkling in commas.
One thing I mentioned way back at the beginning was how every line needs attribution unless it’s really clear who is saying what. There are two unattributed lines of dialogue in here, and it’s clear each time who is talking based not on the flow of the conversation but also because of the content and style of the dialogue. Even in a three person scene, the occasional unattributed line can work if done well.
Overall, each line of dialogue is accomplishing multiple purposes despite any flaws (and the flaws are really just formatting, not content). The relationships are obvious, the characterization is good. The story is pushed forward by each line, and we get a bit of information about Flightday that doesn’t feel artificial. (Fun tip: if you want an excuse to give your reader information, have it be something your character doesn’t know. They learn along with the reader!)
(Vivian: But don’t make them too dumb, at least occasionally the roles should be reversed)
Definitely! You can also start falling into cliches and other problems, but in general, it’s a good tip! Anyway, finally we have worldbuilding, and as you can expect from someone who has an entire blog about worldbuilding, Vivian does this really well. Now, not every single line hits every single point, but many lines do, and every line fulfills at least one purpose.
Overall, this is a solid scene of dialogue, and the formatting mistakes are something that a lot of people do, so it’s great to learn from.
(Vivian: Bullshevik! It is perfect! What do you know! ...Wait, you’re my editor for a reason… D’OH!)
Summa Summarum
So that’s a ton of information, I know, but if you’ve made it this far, you’ve got the makings of a great dialogue writer! Or at least a better one. Or maybe you’re already an expert! If you have any additional tips or any specific questions, please leave a comment! Dialogue is one of the most important parts of a story and writing it well is so incredibly important. And unfortunately, a lot of writers feel that it’s their weak spot. So watch out for your dialogue tags, use improved realism for your language, reflect your character’s personalities, and add conflict. All of this will help. And make sure every line fulfills at least one purpose listed, or it shouldn’t be included. Really, though, have fun with your dialogue. It’s such a valuable tool. Look at these suggestions and go crazy with it!
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Copyright ©️ 2023 Anne Winchell. Original ideas belong to the respective authors. Generic concepts such as aspects of dialogue and how to analyze and break it down are copyrighted under Creative Commons with attribution, and any derivatives must also be Creative Commons. However, specific ideas such as the characters, species, the words “Divinum” and “tsan,” and the holiday depicted in the dialogue scene examples as well as all language or exact phrasing are individually copyrighted by the respective authors. Contact them for information on usage and questions if uncertain what falls under Creative Commons. We’re almost always happy to give permission. Please contact the authors through this website’s contact page.
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